Self Worth

Self Worth

by Rev. David “Reverend Al” Kjono

March 2007


Far too often in counseling others, we find dynamic information that correlates to our Self. We tend to want to counsel therefore from experience rather than remaining objective. This does not mean we should never consult our own, personal experiences, but they should not become the platform from which we “preach” so to speak.


One of the things I have found over the years is a good majority of people’s doubts, fears and anxieties comes from their own vision of their self worth on this planet. More often than not these folks come from a lifetime of being down trodden by others. It usually begins in their childhood and follows with them through adulthood.

One of the most difficult things to get people with low self-esteem issues to grasp is the “blame game.” It can take months and years to get them to understand that for whatever their trials and tribulations have been, it need no longer be that way. Absolutely, parents can and do damage ‘children’ for life with what they pump into the kid’s brains during the upbringing years.

We are taught in society and church that we are to ‘honor’ our parents and respect them. We learn at birth to ‘respect’ what they say and this is why it is so powerfully debilitating to children to be told the wrong message. Parenting is an enormous responsibility that unfortunately very few people are able to do well. Right or wrong the children absorb what they are told like dry sponges and worse, they believe every word of it.

An analogy that I find has helped in the past goes like this…

It is not until our adult years that we begin to decipher the difference between ‘good’ and ‘bad’ input. By then we have to, in essence, ‘reformat our hard drive’ and that can be extremely difficult without the proper ‘repair disk’! For many of us, we demand to continue to use our obsolete 086 Osborn’s as it still works and we have all the proper software to go with it. It took years to collect all that data and well dang it, I can’t ‘afford’ to upgrade. Even though finding 51/4” floppies is impossible, we insist on hanging on to our old stuff and using it until it just doesn’t work any more.

It can be a lot of work and yes, expensive, to ‘upgrade’ our Self to a new operating system. Some of us need an entirely new CPU and peripherals and others simply need new software. Either way it takes the willpower and commitment to Self to make the necessary changes in our ‘operating system’.

So think of all that input from childhood like an obsolete computer. Yes you push the on button and the lights flicker, but you really are just cycling the same old garbage. It may be time to either completely ‘reformat’ or take the plunge and totally upgrade the entire system.

This could take many forms as well. If one is completely out of shape this may mean joining a gym or finding a friend to exercise with to get our bodies in better shape. It could be as simple as a new hairstyle and wardrobe. The point being is change is necessary if we are to lose the baggage from childhood that has us so crippled in our adult lives.

How do we rid ourselves of this baggage one may ask? A few quick pointers should help.

First we must stop the blame game and take responsibility for Self.

Second we must reprogram our belief system.

Third me must have eternal faith we can and will achieve this transformation, regardless of what anyone else may have to say about it.

Now you don’t have to run to a mountain top and become a hermit, but your social circle is one very important place to start. Family, friends, co-workers, associates and so forth must be in one of two categories to remain in your circle.

In complete and total support of your efforts.

Completely non-interfering or a stumbling block to you.

If they are either of these things they are genuine friends and/or a loving family member. If they in any way violate the two categories they are not genuine friends or loving family members.

In the first step you must stop believing that everything that happens to you is someone else’s fault. You must take responsibility for your own actions. If you truly desire to become more than you are Spiritually, you have to make decisions that reflect that inner need. Placing blame on people or circumstances does not reflect a direct responsibility to Self. It defers it.

One of the first responsibilities to take is how you interact with people. Think about how what you say and do affects their lives, not how their actions affect yours. You and only you are totally in control of how others affect you. You may simply start by not reacting to someone who makes you angry or by beginning to share interests with someone you seldom speak to. Change is the key here.

Separation” does not mean that you have to completely separate yourself from those that disrespect your agenda, but they must be put in their place. The more you associate with those that are supportive and are not interfering in your goal of Self betterment, the more you begin to believe what you have to tell yourself daily.

I am a person of worth.”

Naturally a spouse can be the most difficult as it’s hard to separate from them without the mess of divorce. But if they truly do care, they will respect your temporary distance and allow you to heal Self on your own terms. Children as well can be difficult to contend with, but if they are minors you are the parent and they will need to fall in line. Hard love may the only way to cope with these scenarios.

Friends and long time associates can be just as difficult as family to contend with during the process of ‘reformatting’ your Self. But those who do not support you or continue to interfere may have to be told point blank that ‘right now’ is not the best time for them to be around you. One thing, from experience, I found was that when I went through my biggest change (giving up alcohol) I found how few real friends I truly had. I only see two of the old crowd on occasion and even these life long relationships are strained because I don’t drink any more. Especially one of these fellows, who is my oldest and longest friend ‘for life’, has little in common with me now days as he still chooses to adhere to the party protocol.

Getting away from non-spiritual people can be just as difficult as giving up booze or drugs. “Unawares” as I like to refer to them, are just as stuck in their ‘addiction’ to the way they live as any diehard alcoholic. These are the people who have no beliefs what-so-ever or are the eternal agnostic. There might be something to spirituality, but until you serve it to them on a silver platter they only seemingly want to argue or debate the issue, not support you in your belief structure.

In contrast there are those who choose to hide behind the “word of God”. In that, I mean no matter what the circumstance or situation, their immediate and calculated response to you or your situation is some quoted reference from the Scriptures. To that I say ‘good job pal in your ability to have memorized 2200 pages of God’s word’, however, what have you done to live the word, not just repeat or mimic it. What example are you showing by quoting memorized verbiage instead sharing a life experience or actually knowing the appropriate message I need right now? These stereotypical people are just as dangerous as the non-believer as they are not offering wisdom. They merely assume the position of authority by the smug and contrite attitude they think has positive effect on you in your time of need.

To successfully change into the Spiritual life one must be willing to sacrifice the ‘old you’. It means loss of much of the way things were and it will be difficult. This however is the price we pay for internal peace with Self. One can not stay around old influences and wonder why things ‘never’ change. Here again, from experience, I know once I put my studies of the esoteric life style into practice, I had little in common with the majority of my associates. They wanted to make a party “trick” out of my casting runes or would refer to me as “Preacher” when religious conversation came up.

This is not respect for another beliefs or position it is the humiliation of those beliefs and position.

I am a person of worth. I am a person of worth….” Write it down, make a poster of it, make coasters out of this saying but keep it close at hand and everywhere you look. You are reformatting your thinking so until it is your new truth, inundate your Self with this one thought.

We all grow at different speeds and advance to higher levels at different times so there is no one formulae for making it happen overnight. That would be nice and comfortable, but unfortunately that is not the way the cosmos works.

It may take years for this change to become the new you so don’t expect miracles the first week. Telling your Self you have worth is a mantra that even the highest levels of the Spiritual Realm have to remind themselves of from time to time. Making this one thought a belief is the first lesson in becoming new, making change…evolving into the higher realms of Self.

You must believe and have faith in the fact you can and will change. If this is what your inner voice is telling you, you must believe it to enact it. Faith is a never ending process of the discovery of Self. As we have visited before in previous lessons, God is within and within us is God. He is already there, waiting for the opportunity to allow His grace and consciousness to come forth and become the greatness we truly are.


As always, thank each of you for allowing me the time to express my views. It is forever a pleasure to be with such a fantastic group of Seekers. Keep God a lamp unto thy feet and light upon thy heart, for it is through His watchful eye we have nothing to fear and everything to gain!

See y’all next week!

After Hours©

We all experience times of doubting our Self worth and our purpose in Life. This is only natural and in many ways a part of God’s gift to us in our Spiritual Quest. It can be a rough go sometimes, but there are some things we can do to at least not make it any more difficult than it needs to be.

Lesson for this week:

Malachi 1:1 through 4:6

Matthew 5:33-48

While we’re on the air, I’d like to mention just a bit from Matthew 5. We often find it difficult to love those who don’t share our views or ways, thus some of the reasons to find Self we must, at least temporarily, get away from some people. But when you are secure in your faith and belief:

Mat 5:46 For if ye love them which love you, what reward have ye? do not even the publicans the same? (Love those whom despise you! If nothing else it ticks them off!)

Mat 5:47 And if ye salute your brethren only, what do ye more than others? do not even the publicans so? (Once secure, bring our message of Peace and Love to all, not just those that already know… and really what good does that do?)


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